she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
