if i died would you start the facebook group?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
