I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
