I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
