so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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