yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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