So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
