you guys were way drunker than both of me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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