while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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