Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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