dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
