i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
