Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
