Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
