You're so nebulous sometimes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
