I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
