If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
