can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
