He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
