i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
