So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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