Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
