So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
