tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
