That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
