so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
