Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
