I want to stick my p in your. b.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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