I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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