I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
