Where is the hickey?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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