its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
where are my eyebrows?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
