I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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