Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
