Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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