just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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