Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
