please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
