So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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