He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
