just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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