he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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