His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
