Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
