lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
