If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
