If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
