I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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