Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And my parents said I crawled through the house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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