I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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