There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
