i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry my hands just texted you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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