Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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