I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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