WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
